this is not about love.
Jun. 7th, 2011 12:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ever_neutralUm, I have a bunch of other top fives to finish answering, but I'm really in the mood for this one right now? (Everyone is surprised.)
for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
smells_corrupt :
First of all: LOL MY FAVOURITE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION IN EVER??? If you're wondering how I am defining "dysfunction", it comes down to three factors:
1) The ship constituents are terrible/fucked up/emotionally traumatised people who should be put in straitjackets/lifelong therapy.
2) The ship makes me
as often as it makes me go:
So, you know, in short: I am motivated to get out the vodka and bust out "THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE I LIKE THE WAY IT HUURRTS".
3) Being a fan of the ship causes you GRIEF in fandom. I'm talking controversy, people. I'm talking being accused of being a terrible/immoral/disgusting/rape-apologizing/adultery-condoning/whatever the fuck sort of person for being invested in it.
(Weirdly enough, all of the following ships are MASSIVELY popular. Like, probably some of the most popular ships if not THE most popular in their respective fandoms. So, either a disturbingly large percentage of people on the Internet consist of terrible people, or there's a lot of Fandom-ish Tall Poppy Syndrome going on.)
4) All of the above.
So with no further ado, let's get down. Note: The order of the following is interchangeable, except for #1 which will always out-dysfunction EVERYTHING. :))))))
VERONICA: Do you think this thing... will ever get more normal?
Logan: What, like, will we ever hang at the mall and hold hands and buy each other teddy bears with hearts that say "I wuv you beary much?"
---
LOGAN: I thought our story was epic, you know, you and me.
VERONICA: Epic how?
LOGAN: Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed. Epic.
---
VERONICA: Come on. Ruined lives? Bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard?
LOGAN: No one writes songs about the ones that come easy.
---
LOGAN: I vote for the pain now. But I'm always here if you need anything... But you never need anything."
---
LOGAN: Someone's always supposed to pay. Isn't that the rule we live by?
UGH. You know what, I am just going to linksoftly_me 's entire post here BECAUSE IT IS FLAWLESS UGGHHHHH. There is nothing that I could possibly add.
KARA: You love me. You can’t take it back. There’s no take-backs.
---
LEE: Hey, what about us?
KARA: There is no us, all right? I just wanted a good lay. There is nothing here. Do you get that? Nothing.
---
LEE: Doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?
KARA: You should hear the way my brain works sometimes. [pause] Are we okay?
LEE: You have a brain?
---
LEE: Besides, I never really could say no to anything.
KARA: Except me.
LEE: Especially you.
---
LEE: 'Cause I'm Lee, and you're Kara. And the rest of it isn't worth a damn. Right?
Well, apparently I have a total "the girl and the boyfriend's brother" kink. (hold that thought.) Yes. Well. These two are motherfucking heroes who save the world on a regular basis, but they can also be complete fucking assholes who treat each other like shite and I quite honestly want to bitchslap them both a lot over the course of the show and actually they do in fact beat the crap out of each other in a boxing match one time LOLOLOL. And it tickles me to no end that on a weird sci-fi show containing fucking interspecies relationships and a whole load of FoeYay, it's these two fucked up humans that have THE MOST DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP? ROFLMAO. (Well, possibly except for Kara/Leoben. Le sigh.) So yeah basically I love my Pilots because they completely FAIL at being in a relationship, and they drag each other down and emotionally slaughter the other and pull other people into their destructive web and I kind of hate them both a lot. And then. and then. Then… they are each other's best friend in the entire world? And nothing in that crazy, fucked up world has the power to take that away from them. And I love that in this crazy post-apocalyptic universe where close to nothing survives, Kara and Lee's crazy, fucked up friendship is one of the few things to stubbornly remain to the end. oh, kids. go get some therapy.
ELENA: Some things could matter again.
DAMON: Maybe. But it seems a little unrealistic to me.
---
DAMON: None of this matters to me. None of it.
ELENA: People die around you. How could it not matter?
---
STEFAN: She considers you a friend.
DAMON: Same here. Elena's a very good friend. Actually, she might qualify as my only friend.
---
ELENA: There’s nothing good about him, Stefan. Not anymore. He’s decided what he wants. He doesn’t want to feel. He wants to be hated. It’s just easier that way.
---
DAMON: You're one to talk about giving up when all you've done is give up.
---
DAMON: You should have met me in 1864. You would have liked me.
ELENA: I like you now. Just the way you are.
DAMON: … Thank you.
ELENA: You're welcome.
LOL. As previously discussed. Yes, these two make the list because TVD fandom has officially become BtVS fandom 2.0, complete with "rapist-lover" accusations and everything. Fun times. And typically, because I am a deeply corrupt person, the more moral indignation there is, the more attached to these two I become. WHOOPS.I regret nothing.
So yeah, I now refer to these two as my mutual death-wish ship, lol. *pets them both* Even ignoring both their suicidal tendencies, the fucked-up-ness is pretty evident with one of them being a self-serving psychopath who has ruined the other's life six ways to Sunday, etc. etc. (Though I also love those weird moments where Elena is the one being manipulative and using Damon's tactics against him, like that time she passionately made out with Stefan deliberately in front of Damon LOL like whose benefit was that for, Elena?Not your boyfriend's.) These two will never be endgame by any stretch of the imagination--contrary to the belief of a lot of shippers who seem convinced that they will be because their story is so ~epic~ etcetera--but I swear to God, it doesn't even matter, because it's not about the destination, I like the way it hurts, etc etc.. In all seriousness: this is not really a romance. More than anything, it seems to me that the crux of Damon and Elena's weird connection is over-identification. (Like when Elena screams that people die around him? OH, ELENA.) Damage is drawn to damage. And Elena's stubborn attachment to Damon is not actually that hard to figure out, because nobody is more damaged than Damon Salvatore--and Elena Gilbert is nothing if not a Fixer. Of course, the other massive component to this is the fact that she will never succeed. We talk a lot about how Damon is always in love with the unattainable, but surely this applies to Elena too? She just. can't. give up on Damon, because he is the problem she cannot solve. And on Damon's part--I've seen some ~confusion around the place about why Elena. But seriously? I point you to that third quote there. She is his first friend in 167 years. That's why. Don't be a fucking moron.
Um, these two pretty much had me from that weird, shocking moment at the end of the pilot where Peggy lets him in to her apartment. Because: she let him in. And I feel like this is astronomically huge. (See: that first quote.) Because he's drunk, and lonely, and terrified about getting married in the morning, and it was his bachelor party that night, and he's depressed like he always is, and a creep like he always is, and she lets him in. And I know that "I don't like you like this" is a moment that should totally turn me off and kill my shipper heart and make me hate Pete, but I just love them MORE for it. It is unbelievably cruel, and BRILLIANT, and I actually die a little for Pete, because he thought that she was like him -- instead, he realises that she's just going to be another person in his life who is (in his perception) happier than he is, and therefore he will always be inferior. Except somewhere along the way, he recognises that her being above him isn't so bad, and that he loves her for it, but it's too late, Pete. You fucked your chances up, just like you always do. And I don't know if I can say that Peggy was really truly in love with Pete that first season, but she FELT (and feels?) for him, on a level that she just hasn't been able to for anyone since. I mean, he was the first heartbreak. He killed her innocence. And she thought that maybe, one day, she'd get it back. But it's just gone. And since they are so similar, and took turns to completely annihilate the other, because of course, their timing is ALL WRONG, and I love them for it--and as much as I now find Pete/Trudy thoroughly endearing and right--there will always be this stubborn, heartbroken part of me that watches Pete and Peggy and thinks "BUT ZOMG THEY'RE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER!!!11!!1" I want it so bad, you guys. It will never be. A doomed shipper leads a life of pain.
SPIKE: It won't hurt a bit.
BUFFY: No, Spike. It's gonna hurt a lot.
---
BUFFY: And I can fool Giles, and I can fool my friends, but I can't fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason.
---
BUFFY: You think we're dancing?
SPIKE: That's all we've ever done.
---
SPIKE: It's not pretty, but it's real.
---
BUFFY: That was real.
---
BUFFY: I can be alone with you here.
---
BUFFY: Why are you always around when I'm miserable?
SPIKE: 'Cause that's when you're alone.
---
SPIKE: Oh, poor little lost girl. She doesn't fit in anywhere. She's got no one to love.
BUFFY: Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot! Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in?
---
SPIKE: But it hurts?
BUFFY: Yeah.
---
SPIKE: What does that mean, exactly?
BUFFY: I don't know. Does it have to mean something?
/using the most hated quote from non-Buffy stans
/loving it
/regretting nothing
Because duh.
If you're questioning this choice…. I question your questioning.
No really. Do you even go here?
...
In related news, I'm stealing this meme bystainofmylove :
for
smells_corrupt : Top Five Ships O' Dysfunction
First of all: LOL MY FAVOURITE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION IN EVER??? If you're wondering how I am defining "dysfunction", it comes down to three factors:
1) The ship constituents are terrible/fucked up/emotionally traumatised people who should be put in straitjackets/lifelong therapy.
2) The ship makes me
as often as it makes me go:
So, you know, in short: I am motivated to get out the vodka and bust out "THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE I LIKE THE WAY IT HUURRTS".
3) Being a fan of the ship causes you GRIEF in fandom. I'm talking controversy, people. I'm talking being accused of being a terrible/immoral/disgusting/rape-apologizing/adultery-condoning/whatever the fuck sort of person for being invested in it.
(Weirdly enough, all of the following ships are MASSIVELY popular. Like, probably some of the most popular ships if not THE most popular in their respective fandoms. So, either a disturbingly large percentage of people on the Internet consist of terrible people, or there's a lot of Fandom-ish Tall Poppy Syndrome going on.)
4) All of the above.
So with no further ado, let's get down. Note: The order of the following is interchangeable, except for #1 which will always out-dysfunction EVERYTHING. :))))))
#5. Logan & Veronica (Veronica Mars)
VERONICA: Do you think this thing... will ever get more normal?
Logan: What, like, will we ever hang at the mall and hold hands and buy each other teddy bears with hearts that say "I wuv you beary much?"
---
LOGAN: I thought our story was epic, you know, you and me.
VERONICA: Epic how?
LOGAN: Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed. Epic.
---
VERONICA: Come on. Ruined lives? Bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard?
LOGAN: No one writes songs about the ones that come easy.
---
LOGAN: I vote for the pain now. But I'm always here if you need anything... But you never need anything."
---
LOGAN: Someone's always supposed to pay. Isn't that the rule we live by?
UGH. You know what, I am just going to link
softly_me 's entire post here BECAUSE IT IS FLAWLESS UGGHHHHH. There is nothing that I could possibly add. #4. Kara & Lee, a.k.a. Starbuck and Apollo (Battlestar Galactica)
KARA: You love me. You can’t take it back. There’s no take-backs.
---
LEE: Hey, what about us?
KARA: There is no us, all right? I just wanted a good lay. There is nothing here. Do you get that? Nothing.
---
LEE: Doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?
KARA: You should hear the way my brain works sometimes. [pause] Are we okay?
LEE: You have a brain?
---
LEE: Besides, I never really could say no to anything.
KARA: Except me.
LEE: Especially you.
---
LEE: 'Cause I'm Lee, and you're Kara. And the rest of it isn't worth a damn. Right?
Well, apparently I have a total "the girl and the boyfriend's brother" kink. (hold that thought.) Yes. Well. These two are motherfucking heroes who save the world on a regular basis, but they can also be complete fucking assholes who treat each other like shite and I quite honestly want to bitchslap them both a lot over the course of the show and actually they do in fact beat the crap out of each other in a boxing match one time LOLOLOL. And it tickles me to no end that on a weird sci-fi show containing fucking interspecies relationships and a whole load of FoeYay, it's these two fucked up humans that have THE MOST DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP? ROFLMAO. (Well, possibly except for Kara/Leoben. Le sigh.) So yeah basically I love my Pilots because they completely FAIL at being in a relationship, and they drag each other down and emotionally slaughter the other and pull other people into their destructive web and I kind of hate them both a lot. And then. and then. Then… they are each other's best friend in the entire world? And nothing in that crazy, fucked up world has the power to take that away from them. And I love that in this crazy post-apocalyptic universe where close to nothing survives, Kara and Lee's crazy, fucked up friendship is one of the few things to stubbornly remain to the end. oh, kids. go get some therapy.
#3. Damon & Elena (The Vampire Diaries)
ELENA: Some things could matter again.
DAMON: Maybe. But it seems a little unrealistic to me.
---
DAMON: None of this matters to me. None of it.
ELENA: People die around you. How could it not matter?
---
STEFAN: She considers you a friend.
DAMON: Same here. Elena's a very good friend. Actually, she might qualify as my only friend.
---
ELENA: There’s nothing good about him, Stefan. Not anymore. He’s decided what he wants. He doesn’t want to feel. He wants to be hated. It’s just easier that way.
---
DAMON: You're one to talk about giving up when all you've done is give up.
---
DAMON: You should have met me in 1864. You would have liked me.
ELENA: I like you now. Just the way you are.
DAMON: … Thank you.
ELENA: You're welcome.
LOL. As previously discussed. Yes, these two make the list because TVD fandom has officially become BtVS fandom 2.0, complete with "rapist-lover" accusations and everything. Fun times. And typically, because I am a deeply corrupt person, the more moral indignation there is, the more attached to these two I become. WHOOPS.
So yeah, I now refer to these two as my mutual death-wish ship, lol. *pets them both* Even ignoring both their suicidal tendencies, the fucked-up-ness is pretty evident with one of them being a self-serving psychopath who has ruined the other's life six ways to Sunday, etc. etc. (Though I also love those weird moments where Elena is the one being manipulative and using Damon's tactics against him, like that time she passionately made out with Stefan deliberately in front of Damon LOL like whose benefit was that for, Elena?
#2. Peggy & Pete (Mad Men)
PETE: Actually, for the first time today, I'm not selling anything… Does Peggy live here?
---
PETE: Everything's so easy for you.
PEGGY: It's not easy for anyone, Pete.
---
PETE: I've been thinking about everything that's going on. And I thought, who would care if I was gone? I mean, Trudy would care, but she doesn't know me. But you do. And I know you. And I think you're perfect.
PEGGY: I'm not perfect, Pete.
PETE: Yes, you are.
---
PEGGY: Well, one day you're there. And then all of a sudden, there's less of you. And you wonder where that part went. If it's living somewhere, outside of you. And you keep thinking, maybe you'll get it back. And then you realise, it's just gone.
---
PEGGY: It's my decision.
PETE: Your decisions affect me.
---
PEGGY: I just wanted to let you know how happy I am for you. Both.
PETE: … Thank you.
---
PETE: Everything's so easy for you.
PEGGY: It's not easy for anyone, Pete.
---
PETE: I've been thinking about everything that's going on. And I thought, who would care if I was gone? I mean, Trudy would care, but she doesn't know me. But you do. And I know you. And I think you're perfect.
PEGGY: I'm not perfect, Pete.
PETE: Yes, you are.
---
PEGGY: Well, one day you're there. And then all of a sudden, there's less of you. And you wonder where that part went. If it's living somewhere, outside of you. And you keep thinking, maybe you'll get it back. And then you realise, it's just gone.
---
PEGGY: It's my decision.
PETE: Your decisions affect me.
---
PEGGY: I just wanted to let you know how happy I am for you. Both.
PETE: … Thank you.
Um, these two pretty much had me from that weird, shocking moment at the end of the pilot where Peggy lets him in to her apartment. Because: she let him in. And I feel like this is astronomically huge. (See: that first quote.) Because he's drunk, and lonely, and terrified about getting married in the morning, and it was his bachelor party that night, and he's depressed like he always is, and a creep like he always is, and she lets him in. And I know that "I don't like you like this" is a moment that should totally turn me off and kill my shipper heart and make me hate Pete, but I just love them MORE for it. It is unbelievably cruel, and BRILLIANT, and I actually die a little for Pete, because he thought that she was like him -- instead, he realises that she's just going to be another person in his life who is (in his perception) happier than he is, and therefore he will always be inferior. Except somewhere along the way, he recognises that her being above him isn't so bad, and that he loves her for it, but it's too late, Pete. You fucked your chances up, just like you always do. And I don't know if I can say that Peggy was really truly in love with Pete that first season, but she FELT (and feels?) for him, on a level that she just hasn't been able to for anyone since. I mean, he was the first heartbreak. He killed her innocence. And she thought that maybe, one day, she'd get it back. But it's just gone. And since they are so similar, and took turns to completely annihilate the other, because of course, their timing is ALL WRONG, and I love them for it--and as much as I now find Pete/Trudy thoroughly endearing and right--there will always be this stubborn, heartbroken part of me that watches Pete and Peggy and thinks "BUT ZOMG THEY'RE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER!!!11!!1" I want it so bad, you guys. It will never be. A doomed shipper leads a life of pain.
#1. Buffy & Spike (BtVS)
SPIKE: It won't hurt a bit.
BUFFY: No, Spike. It's gonna hurt a lot.
---
BUFFY: And I can fool Giles, and I can fool my friends, but I can't fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason.
---
BUFFY: You think we're dancing?
SPIKE: That's all we've ever done.
---
SPIKE: It's not pretty, but it's real.
---
BUFFY: That was real.
---
BUFFY: I can be alone with you here.
---
BUFFY: Why are you always around when I'm miserable?
SPIKE: 'Cause that's when you're alone.
---
SPIKE: Oh, poor little lost girl. She doesn't fit in anywhere. She's got no one to love.
BUFFY: Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot! Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in?
---
SPIKE: But it hurts?
BUFFY: Yeah.
---
SPIKE: What does that mean, exactly?
BUFFY: I don't know. Does it have to mean something?
/using the most hated quote from non-Buffy stans
/loving it
/regretting nothing
Because duh.
If you're questioning this choice…. I question your questioning.
No really. Do you even go here?
...
In related news, I'm stealing this meme by
stainofmylove : Name a couple (or two, or whatever, there ain't no meme police) and I will tell you the exact moment I started shipping them. Or stopped.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-06-07 01:25 am (UTC)YESSSS I WANT YOUR BSG THOUGHTS. Especially on my kids 'cause they're ~controversial and stuff. yes.
DARLA/ANGEL. I think from the start of S2--as soon as Angel started experiencing those weird dreams. Because: um, hot? David B. had better chemistry with Julie than he did with any of Angel's other love interests. Seriously. But, ultimately, it was THAT quote that sealed the deal for me. You know the one. Then it was OTP forever and ever amen. End of story.